Saturday, February 22, 2014
Day 52 Lost, Lost, and Lost some more 2/22/14
This morning we went to our last dhamma talk. Afterwards, we packed our things, ate breakfast, and headed to the third floor for closing ceremony. The ceremony was short.There was a five minute chant, followed by a short farewell speech from the monk. Before leaving we said our goodbyes to Nele, and got a picture with the monk. At the bottom of the temple we caught a sangtao to our hotel. We gave the driver the name of the hotel with the address, he nodded and began to drive. When we were close to the airport he pulled over,got out, and came to talk to us. He didnt speak any English, and we couldn't communicate with him in Thai. He didnt know where he was going. The address I wrote meant nothing to him because it was in English. He didnt recognize the hotel name, and didnt know where to take us. The only thing we knew was the name of the hotel, the address, and that it was 1km from the airport. He took out a map and wanted us to find it, but the map was very limited with street names and didnt have the street of the hotel. We realized at that point there wasnt much we could do but get out and try to find another way there.We paid him the agreed 300 baht and walked to a little cafe a few hundred feet away. The cafe had delicious sandwiches.It was the first time I had seen goat cheese, and bagels and cream cheese. We were definitely dropped off in a good location. At the cafe we looked up the hotel on google maps and asked the waitress to write down the hotel name is Thai. We also kept the map up on the map screen to show our next driver. After we ate we walked out to the street and flagged down about four drivers. None of them could read Thai, and if they did they didnt know the hotel. We felt a little frustrated, but remembered the wisdom of our monk and stayed calm :) We saw signs for the airport and decided to walk there, thinking we would have better luck finding a driver who knew of the hotel. When we got there we approached two people with no luck. The third person, spent about 15 minutes reading the name of the hotel over and over. He looked at his paper map,looked at the map on the iPad, and then sat and talked to himself for a bit. He then turned around and said ok. We crossed our fingers and hoped that he was taking us the right place. We knew to look for "The residence hotel", which was on the main street. From there our hotel was a few blocks behind it. We drove on canal road and watched for the resident hotel sign. I saw the sign, and asked him to stop. He stopped about a fourth of a mile past it, turned around, and looked at us making sure that we wanted to get out. I said yes since he probably didnt know where he was going and i saw the sign for the residence hotel. We paid him and walked in the direction for the residence. It was about 95 degrees out and we were each carrying about 70lbs of gear on our back. We walked and walked, and ended up at the end of the street. We realized we had passed it. We were dehydrated, burnt, and tired from our huge packs. On the walk back we saw the resident sign, but there were no side streets to walk down. We felt lost. We walked a little further and turned down a side street hoping we might come across something. After about 20 minutes of aimless walking we ended up back on the main street feeling frustrated. No one knew the name of the hotel. The street was no where to be found and we already paid two drivers; neither brought us to the destination we wanted. At that point we decided we would walk, find the nearest hotel, and lose out on the room we already paid for. As we walked back on the same stretch that we had walked about four times, a polite man working at a food vendor stall asked if we needed any help. He saw us walk past a few times and knew we needed help. I was happy to hear that he spoke great English. I was about ready to bust out the maps, the translation of the hotel, and the address, when Ryan said our hotel name. Immediately he said, "yeah its down the street, only about a half of mile a way." He told us we would see a sign from the street leading us down a smaller street. We thanked him a million times. Just when we were about to give up, we were blessed with the guidance of a friendly English speaking Thai. We walked for a while, but the walk went fast since we now knew we were headed in the right direction. When we found the sign we were about a fourth of a mile in the opposite direction of where the driver dropped us off. A huge sign read "The Residence Hotel". The other sign we saw before also said residence , but was the residence for living, not a hotel. We turned left down the no name dirt road and through some side streets. Tucked in the back behind some houses we found our hotel. We were relieved and happy to have found it. We checked in and went to our room. At the room we did research on nearby hospitals. Before leaving the hotel we made sure to grab a business card with the address in Thai and a phone number for the hotel. We walked out to the main street and waved down a sangtao, I told him "sathep medical center", figuring that he would know since it was a major landmark. He looked at me in confusion. I wrote it down. He shook his head and pulled out a map. Oh geeze, I thought, round two of lost in translation. On the map, there was a symbol for hospital, so I pointed to it. He nodded yes, and motioned for us to get in. When we arrived we realized it was a different hospital then the one we researched but we figured this one would do. Inside we went to the counter and told the woman I needed to see a doctor. I filled out one page of paper work, got blood work, and was weighed. I was surprised to learn I lost 14 pounds. We waited for about ten minutes, before I was seen by a doctor. The doctor spoke decent English. I told him that I was only having a bowel movement about once a week for the last two months, and that I had changed my diet to high fiber, drank plenty of water, took laxatives, and nothing was helping. He asked some questions, put a stethoscope on my stomach, and then told me I had an irritation in my bowels and gert. He prescribed me three medications and sent me to the pharmacy downstairs. After getting my medicine, we walked out the door paying about $35 in total. I was happy that he didnt think it was anything serious.From here we walked to grab dinner. Afterwards we caught another sangtao back to our apartment. We told the driver the hotel name and the name of the main street, and as usual he didnt know where it was. Luckily this time we had the business card. He called the hotel, and talked to the receptionist in Thai. I sighed with relief when he dropped us off at the right place. Back at the hotel we relaxed and stayed in the rest of the night.
Day 51 Mediation 2/21/14
Today was our last full day at the meditation retreat. I've been having trouble with bowel movements for the past two weeks, and its recently been 8 days since I last went, so we decided that we will leave tomorrow and go to the hospital. Because this was on our mind we spent most of our time relaxing outside; we didnt have clear minds to meditate.
Day 50 Meditation 2/20/14
I ended my fast today. Like a great boyfriend Ryan went down to the bottom of the temple and bought me bananas and apples to eat. After eating we hung out side most of the day. We also made a new friend , Nene. She approached me when I was filling up my water glass, and I invited her to come sit with us. She is 31 and from Germany. We learned that she is spending the year traveling the world. Her personality is really bubbly and fun. We spent a good portion of the day talking and getting to know her. The rest of the day followed the same routine.
Day 49 Meditation 2/19/14
2/19/14
Today we had dharma talk at 5:30 am. We discussed happiness, and what true happiness is. He also shared some funny personal stories about following the 270 rules that a monk must abide. After the talk I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. The majority of the day Ryan and I sat outside and meditated. At 3:30 we reported to the monk, and I was excited to share with him how well my meditation went the previous day. At 6 we did our evening chanting. The chanting is for one hour. Because I the fasting I cant chant because I get out of breath easier, so I sit there and listen to everyone else.
Today we had dharma talk at 5:30 am. We discussed happiness, and what true happiness is. He also shared some funny personal stories about following the 270 rules that a monk must abide. After the talk I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. The majority of the day Ryan and I sat outside and meditated. At 3:30 we reported to the monk, and I was excited to share with him how well my meditation went the previous day. At 6 we did our evening chanting. The chanting is for one hour. Because I the fasting I cant chant because I get out of breath easier, so I sit there and listen to everyone else.
Day 48 Meditation 2/18/14
2/18/14
Today we repeated our normal routine. Although it was the same routine something was very special about today. I had the most amazing meditation experience. So far all of my meditations have been mediocre. I have had many thoughts stream in and out causing me to be distracted, and I never finished with a feeling of accomplishment, just with a relaxed state. Today around 4pm Ryan and I walked to the small temple to do the sitting meditation for twenty minutes. My meditation started off the way it always does, filled with thoughts. About five minutes into it, I remembered that the monk asked us to add a few steps to our meditation. He said when you inhale say in your head "rising", exhale say "falling", and for the few seconds in between say sitting and then touching of the right hip, and then the left hip. I did this in my own fashion. I imagined a vertical wave of light going up to my head for rising, and then the wave coming down for falling. For sitting I pushed the light from my waist to my toes, and then I would send it to each hip. This worked really well for the first two minutes. It kept my mind thought free and I was totally aware of my inner energy. Then all of a sudden When I sent the light to my toes, my toes would tingle. When I sent it to my hip, my hip would feel really hot. After a few minutes the heat on my hips from the light began to turn into a tickle. It took a lot for me to not laugh. I completely felt the energy of light travel through my body tingle my toes and tickle my hip. It was the strangest, most amazing experience ever. The last ten minutes of my meditation I had a permanent smile on my face. When the timer went off, alerting me that twenty minutes had passed, I looked at Ryan and busted up laughing. It took me a minute to gain my composure and share with him my experience. When we left the temple, I felt that I was in a state of satori. Everything looked different. For ten minutes I felt like I was on a hallucinogenic. Colors looked vibrant, I noticed the details in everything, and I felt at one with my surroundings. My hips also felt incredibly weak, like I gave them an intense workout. We sat on a bench outside, and after fifteen minutes the satori had passed, but my excitement of my experience had not.
Today we repeated our normal routine. Although it was the same routine something was very special about today. I had the most amazing meditation experience. So far all of my meditations have been mediocre. I have had many thoughts stream in and out causing me to be distracted, and I never finished with a feeling of accomplishment, just with a relaxed state. Today around 4pm Ryan and I walked to the small temple to do the sitting meditation for twenty minutes. My meditation started off the way it always does, filled with thoughts. About five minutes into it, I remembered that the monk asked us to add a few steps to our meditation. He said when you inhale say in your head "rising", exhale say "falling", and for the few seconds in between say sitting and then touching of the right hip, and then the left hip. I did this in my own fashion. I imagined a vertical wave of light going up to my head for rising, and then the wave coming down for falling. For sitting I pushed the light from my waist to my toes, and then I would send it to each hip. This worked really well for the first two minutes. It kept my mind thought free and I was totally aware of my inner energy. Then all of a sudden When I sent the light to my toes, my toes would tingle. When I sent it to my hip, my hip would feel really hot. After a few minutes the heat on my hips from the light began to turn into a tickle. It took a lot for me to not laugh. I completely felt the energy of light travel through my body tingle my toes and tickle my hip. It was the strangest, most amazing experience ever. The last ten minutes of my meditation I had a permanent smile on my face. When the timer went off, alerting me that twenty minutes had passed, I looked at Ryan and busted up laughing. It took me a minute to gain my composure and share with him my experience. When we left the temple, I felt that I was in a state of satori. Everything looked different. For ten minutes I felt like I was on a hallucinogenic. Colors looked vibrant, I noticed the details in everything, and I felt at one with my surroundings. My hips also felt incredibly weak, like I gave them an intense workout. We sat on a bench outside, and after fifteen minutes the satori had passed, but my excitement of my experience had not.
Day 47 Meditation 2/17/14
2/17/14
Today's dhamma talk was a valuable one. Our Monk leader talked about beauty. He told us that in Thai culture you never talk about anyone's physical beauty. That beauty is seen as the spirit or energy inside you. He then told us a few important stories of the Buddha, and of a beautiful woman who thought she could have anyone she desired. She continuously denied any man who asked to marry her, until she saw the Buddha. She went to her parents and told her parents she wanted to marry the Buddha, but the Buddha had declined her offer because he saw past her physical beauty and saw into her energy which was not as radiant as her appearance. After our dhamma talk, it was breakfast time. All of the mediators went to breakfast, and I made my way back to my room for a nap. When I woke up Ryan and I went for a walk down the nature path. I laid out the bamboo mat and my meditation pillows, and did a twenty minute meditation session. During this time Ryan joined the rest of the group for lunch. When he was done he joined me on my mat and we starred up at the canopy of the trees and admired the variety of life teaming in the jungle. After a while we parted ways, I went back to my room and read, and he went back to his for a nap. At 2pm we reported to the monk. He said the same thing he did yesterday, except he added another five minutes to our meditation time, and two more steps to our walking meditation. After the meeting Ryan and I went into the temple and did both meditating series.
Today's dhamma talk was a valuable one. Our Monk leader talked about beauty. He told us that in Thai culture you never talk about anyone's physical beauty. That beauty is seen as the spirit or energy inside you. He then told us a few important stories of the Buddha, and of a beautiful woman who thought she could have anyone she desired. She continuously denied any man who asked to marry her, until she saw the Buddha. She went to her parents and told her parents she wanted to marry the Buddha, but the Buddha had declined her offer because he saw past her physical beauty and saw into her energy which was not as radiant as her appearance. After our dhamma talk, it was breakfast time. All of the mediators went to breakfast, and I made my way back to my room for a nap. When I woke up Ryan and I went for a walk down the nature path. I laid out the bamboo mat and my meditation pillows, and did a twenty minute meditation session. During this time Ryan joined the rest of the group for lunch. When he was done he joined me on my mat and we starred up at the canopy of the trees and admired the variety of life teaming in the jungle. After a while we parted ways, I went back to my room and read, and he went back to his for a nap. At 2pm we reported to the monk. He said the same thing he did yesterday, except he added another five minutes to our meditation time, and two more steps to our walking meditation. After the meeting Ryan and I went into the temple and did both meditating series.
Day 47 meditation 2/16/14
2/16/14
On our third day we woke up and went to the third floor of the meditation center where we had our dhamma talk. In the same fashion the monk walked out and in unison we bowed three times. This morning there were many new faces. There were about 10 new people who had checked in. There were also a few who checked out, like the European couple who arrived at the same time Ryan and i did. Many people come to the retreat and find the silence, and the uneventful days to be uncomfortable, so they end up leaving. After the dhamma talk we were dismissed for breakfast. I filled my cup up with water and sat with Ryan as he ate. Before coming to the retreat,I made a goal for myself to do a body and mind cleanse. In deciding this, i did some research on fasting and read about all the wonderful health benefits of doing a fast. Like cleansing, your bowels, your digestive system, your liver, and basically doing a good maintenance from the inside out. It would be an extreme challenge, especially since I love food, but I thought it would be beneficial. After sitting through breakfast I went back to my room to meditate. My session was a little rough since I was distracted by my stomach growling. It had already been twenty one hours since I had last eaten. My mind kept wandering off, and thought of burritos, watermelon, and peanut butter toast were popping in my head. I ignored my thoughts and fought through my rounds of meditation. I could fill my hunger void with drinking lots of water. After meditating Ryan and I met up and went on a nature walk off the beaten path. From here we went to the small temple and meditated together. At 2pm we met with the monk to report to him how our meditation sessions were going. From here I did a little bit more meditating and then went back to my room where i cheated a bit. I read. We weren't suppose to read, but I needed to do something to keep my mind off my stomach, so I began to read Ekhart Tolle's second book "The Power of Now". After meditating Ryan and I found each other on a bench outside. I confessed I cheated by reading, and he confessed he cheated by digging into our bag of peanuts we bought for the island and eating them after 12. At six we headed up to the third floor to do our strange chanting.After the chanting Ryan and I sat outside and looked at the stars and enjoyed our surroundings. Around 8:30, I made my way back to my room. In my room I sat on my bed thinking of how long I had been fasting. It had only been 33hrs since I last ate, and it seemed like forever ago. My thoughts were consumed by food. In my head I kept thinking of different recipes I wanted to make, and yummy food I wanted to eat. In my research on fasting, I read that when you finish a fast your body craves raw food, like fruit and vegetables. This is one of the many reasons why fasting is good, because it can lay a path for healthy eating habits afterwards. From my own experience I would say this is true. I cant seem to get watermelon, bananas, and avocados off my mind. My hunger comes in waves. The majority of the time I'm not too hungry, but there are some moments, my stomach is growling at me like a wild animal. I'm not sure exactly how long I will do the fast, but I know that I will be safe about it, and stop if I find myself feeling sick. From my readings, many suggest doing more than three days because it isnt until the third day that your body reaches the state of ketosis. Through out my fast I have to remember "this too shall pass", and that gives me motivation to stick through it. I will see if tomorrow is another story, for now, goodnight.
On our third day we woke up and went to the third floor of the meditation center where we had our dhamma talk. In the same fashion the monk walked out and in unison we bowed three times. This morning there were many new faces. There were about 10 new people who had checked in. There were also a few who checked out, like the European couple who arrived at the same time Ryan and i did. Many people come to the retreat and find the silence, and the uneventful days to be uncomfortable, so they end up leaving. After the dhamma talk we were dismissed for breakfast. I filled my cup up with water and sat with Ryan as he ate. Before coming to the retreat,I made a goal for myself to do a body and mind cleanse. In deciding this, i did some research on fasting and read about all the wonderful health benefits of doing a fast. Like cleansing, your bowels, your digestive system, your liver, and basically doing a good maintenance from the inside out. It would be an extreme challenge, especially since I love food, but I thought it would be beneficial. After sitting through breakfast I went back to my room to meditate. My session was a little rough since I was distracted by my stomach growling. It had already been twenty one hours since I had last eaten. My mind kept wandering off, and thought of burritos, watermelon, and peanut butter toast were popping in my head. I ignored my thoughts and fought through my rounds of meditation. I could fill my hunger void with drinking lots of water. After meditating Ryan and I met up and went on a nature walk off the beaten path. From here we went to the small temple and meditated together. At 2pm we met with the monk to report to him how our meditation sessions were going. From here I did a little bit more meditating and then went back to my room where i cheated a bit. I read. We weren't suppose to read, but I needed to do something to keep my mind off my stomach, so I began to read Ekhart Tolle's second book "The Power of Now". After meditating Ryan and I found each other on a bench outside. I confessed I cheated by reading, and he confessed he cheated by digging into our bag of peanuts we bought for the island and eating them after 12. At six we headed up to the third floor to do our strange chanting.After the chanting Ryan and I sat outside and looked at the stars and enjoyed our surroundings. Around 8:30, I made my way back to my room. In my room I sat on my bed thinking of how long I had been fasting. It had only been 33hrs since I last ate, and it seemed like forever ago. My thoughts were consumed by food. In my head I kept thinking of different recipes I wanted to make, and yummy food I wanted to eat. In my research on fasting, I read that when you finish a fast your body craves raw food, like fruit and vegetables. This is one of the many reasons why fasting is good, because it can lay a path for healthy eating habits afterwards. From my own experience I would say this is true. I cant seem to get watermelon, bananas, and avocados off my mind. My hunger comes in waves. The majority of the time I'm not too hungry, but there are some moments, my stomach is growling at me like a wild animal. I'm not sure exactly how long I will do the fast, but I know that I will be safe about it, and stop if I find myself feeling sick. From my readings, many suggest doing more than three days because it isnt until the third day that your body reaches the state of ketosis. Through out my fast I have to remember "this too shall pass", and that gives me motivation to stick through it. I will see if tomorrow is another story, for now, goodnight.
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